The reason is pretty simple. It is very much the same reason that the Internet itself
became so popular. The Internet opens up a whole new world of communication and
contact. And the reasons for this are given below.
Speed
Try to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to
depend on the good ol’ postal system. During those days, a person had to wait
for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same
state itself. The second person in turn would take one or two days to respond
and this letter would take on or two days to get back to the first person.
So in effect, a single correspondence would stretch over a week. But now it’s a
totally different story. The time taken for the first letter and the response has
been brought to an amazing 2 minutes!
Waiting may make the heart grow fonder but e-mail makes two people get close
faster!
Privacy
The Internet provides for absolute privacy too. One can carry out communication
with another person in the absolute privacy of one’s bedroom or bath room or
wherever one chooses to be. There is no fear of eavesdropping (ugh) or over
hearing (shudder!) thanks to e-mail and chat facilities.
Options and Opportunities
The Internet provides for other options like voice chat or video conferencing and
stops short only of the physical touch. But then who would want to start a
relationship by touching right away?
Steps to Online Dating Success
You can see a person, talk to a person, and listen to the person’s voice, can you
think of a better way to start a date?
Economy
All this and more it is possible thanks to the Internet and the best part is that all
this comes to you for peanuts. All you need is a PC (who doesn’t have one?) and
an Internet Connection (how can anybody live without one?) and you are all set.
The only thing more you could ask for is a step-by-step guide to find your dream
date…well here it is! So what are we waiting for?
Be Clear About What You Want
We all know that man is a social being. However man is also a lonely being. (And when
we say man, we mean women too). Man longs for company.
Company not just from friends and the family, but from that special person with whom he
or she can share those sweet nothings, those simple pleasures and pains, someone with
whom he or she can build a whole new life, someone with whom he or she can raise a
family of his or her own.
Now this is a fundamental need of man: to find a life mate. And the most popular
method used for this is dating. When we talk about dating in the very finest sense of the
word, please understand that dating is not to be viewed as a precursor for sleeping
together. It is much more than that. It is the first step towards choosing a life partner and
online dating has made the whole process a lot simpler now.
Marriage Versus A Casual Relationship
Now what you do and what you want is entirely your business. I don’t want to sound
nosey but I would like to draw a fine line between the kind of dating that is involved in
these two quests. Of course we are all grown up and so let us act like grown ups.
Obviously in a casual relationship we are looking for fun. And mind you, fun can have a lot of
connotations. So here the object of one’s desire will obviously be a person who is not inclined
towards a serious relationship. If both parties are of the same view then it is well and good
because they understand each other perfectly and do not expect much from such a relationship.
This leaves no room for heartbreak. It is when one party is in for something more serious and the
other party is into sheer frivolousness that the problems start. So you should be absolutely
clear about what you are looking for from the start, and you should make your intentions very
clear to the other person.
At the same time you should have no doubts about the intentions of the other person as
well. Remember, even if it is a casual relationship, there should be mutual understanding
at least about the nature of the relationship.
Of course, there is yet another possibility where a casual relationship can blossom into
something more serious. But, again in such cases it is your instincts that can help you
identify what is good and what is bad.
No matter how strong a person is, anyone can be taken for a ride or be taken for
granted. Being jilted is never a nice experience. So those of you who are going in for a
casual relationship, for heavens sake, be on your guard! Marriage is altogether a
different story but we will deal with that later.
Dating Comes From a Fundamental Need
Let’s face it, of course sex is important, but sex is by far NOT the most important
reason for dating. Maybe during the age of thoughtless youth, when new hormones are being
pumped in and out, sex is on every one’s mind. But as one matures (mind you that does
not mean growing old and gray) sex takes the back seat and mutual support, likes and
dislikes, cooperation, caring and sharing come to the forefront. We start thinking about
building up a world of our own and we need someone to share it with, and not just
someone to sleep with.
Sex is a fundamental need of every human being. We all have it in us to give and
receive physical pleasure. But when you sit and think about it for a minute, you can see
that this urge is actually the result of another urge.There is a more primary urge in every human
being to breed and produce offspring, and it is this urge that gives rise to such a powerful
sexual desire. But whatever be the urge, the most dignified means to satisfy it is dating.
Nobody, not one of us, is complete without a partner; and it is to satisfy this need that
people date. Because of this, the rest of this manual will be dedicated not to finding the
right sex partner, but to finding the right life partner.
Online Dating Is Here To Stay
Let’s accept the fact that dating couldn’t really get better. Online dating is THE real
thing. Let’s compare it to the old system of evening balls or social gatherings. Imagine
you are this big gathering where there are a lot of men and women looking out for
suitable partners.Suppose you bump into one or two people with whom you seem
to strike an immediate rapport. You are then able to take this person out onto a balcony with
just the moon to keep an eye on you. You get to talk to this person for hours and hours;
just talk and nothing else.You get to discuss likes and dislikes and finally when it is time
to part you leave with a promise to meet on a following day at an equally enjoyable spot.
These talks go on for days and weeks and finally you decide that this indeed is the
THE person with whom you want tospend the rest of your life with.
Then of course you start meeting in more open places, you hold hands and even kiss.
You begin to go out for lunch and dinner and spend even more intimate time together.
When the moment is right and your decision is made, it then becomes time for you to
say, “I do.” Sigh! It sounds like a nice fairy tale, doesn’t it?
Well it needn’t be. It could be your own love story because the concept of online dating
is just what has been described above. If you click the right buttons everything could
work out fine for you and we have evidence to prove it. Just take a look at the figures
given below and you can behold for yourself what a universal phenomenon online dating
has already become.
As I mentioned earlier, one of the best things about online dating is that it affords a lot of
privacy. You can chat for hours, video conference, or do whatever it is you care to do
without arousing the interest of others or attracting the wrong kind of attention. All you
need is a computer and Internet access everything becomes as discreet as can be. But
along with that, may I add that we need a little bit of common sense as well or else we
might find ourselves within the clutches of many lurid monsters lurking out there.
Another good thing about online dating is that it saves a lot of money which otherwise
you would have had to splurge each time you took someone out on a date. It is because
of these reasons and many more personal reasons that thousands of people find online
dating to be a great convenience.
How To Get The Most Out Of Online Dating
Many people who decide to give online dating a try often end up with their hair singed
and fingers burnt. The reason we decided to put together such a manual is that online
dating is not as simple as it looks. You need to know how to go about it in order to
get the best out of it.
Most people do not like to take chances and when it comes to finding a life partner
people do not want to take chances at all.
But you can relax for through this manual we will be dealing with all the do’s and the
don’ts and so the whole process will be quite easy and enjoyable to you. This manual
will provide you with step-by-step instructions on how to being online dating.
We have no doubts about the decision-making abilities of our readers and so we do not
propose to give a lot of advice on the issue. Our purpose is simply to provide a couple of
guidelines which we hope our readers will find valuable as they proceed in the attempt to
find the perfect partner.
Step 1: Getting Started
Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. It is always best to approach unfamiliar territory
with caution. You need to plan before you actually go out there and start dealing your cards.
Be sure about yourself and be sure about what you want. Just because anyone and everyone can
type out whatever they want in a chat room doesn’t mean that we have to do the same.
The Internet has a wonderful quality of being accessible to everyone. But this same
quality attracts all kinds of people into it. But just because a lot of people who enter a
chat room have only dirt on their minds, it doesn’t mean that everyone is like that. If you
stick to the class that you have and maintain your poise, you can indeed get the right
kind of response.
There are a lot of nice people using the Internet, but it all depends on what you do. Do
onto others what you want them to do to you is the golden rule that applies here. There
are no rules for the game. All are players out there. But just because others are ruffians,
it doesn’t mean that you have to be one too. Your approach is the only thing that can get
you the kind of response that you want.
I don’t think that it is very sensible to decide all of the sudden that you would like to use
the Internet to get a date. By just entering a chat room and saying “I’m available” you are
merely putting yourself up for sale, and will most likely not get the results you desire.
One point that all of us have to understand is that in a chat room, all are equal. Do not
go by the misconception that entering a chat room is like sauntering into a ball room
dressed in your best. Then everyone turns to stare at you and the most eligible person
(read that as the sexiest person of the opposite sex) catches your eye and makes his or
her way towards you.
That kind of thing happens only on James Bond movies and we all know that James
Bond never goes in for a serious relationship. It’s all fun and games for him.
Where Do You Start?
The first tip we would like to give you is NOT to go straight away into a singles’ chat
room and try to find somebody who would interest you. All of us know that most of such
chat rooms are virtually flooded with people who have only one thing on their mind - sex.
So, no matter what you ask for, it always ends up in that and the purpose is defeated.
You will never get the kind of person who kind of matches your interests and tastes.
Sometimes it can really get quite infuriating. Everything starts off well. You are having a
nice conversation with a person and warming up when all of the sudden, the topic moves
towards the three letter word. The you let out a sigh and either have to bar messages
from that person and risk the person bad mouthing you in a public chat room. Usually
you have to leave the chat room all together.
In other words, it is the easiest thing to get someone to sleep with you but if you
are looking for something more enduring, like a partner for life, then you are going
to have to be a little more patient. The pick of the litter is not easy to find. But you do
find it; it is going to be worth the effort.
So instead of going into a singles’ chat room, what you could do is, you could try the
whole thing out from a different angle. You could try working backwards.
More Than Looks
Sit for a minute or two and try and think about the things that interest you and things that
you would find interesting in a person.
By ‘things’ over here I am not referring to physical attributes. I am not referring to
something that might interest you in a person’s physical appearance. Again the
distinction has to be drawn between a serious relationship and a casual relationship. In a
casual relationship, the importance is always for the physical attributes. We are more
concerned with what the person looks like and what the person has been endowed with.
On the other hand, if we have a serious relationship, then the physical qualities are not
so important. Compatibility is probably the most important factor over here. Along with
that there are certain qualities that obviously we will be looking out for. We are talking
about qualities of the mind. After all, beauty is only skin-deep!
This idea might sound strange, but it is actually true. The idea is that it is possible to
grow to like the looks of a person. Once you find the character of the person agreeable
you will start liking the person as a whole. It is entirely possible to fall in love with a
person if the person does not look like a movie star. That is one of the tricks that nature
plays.
There are many people who insist on taking a look at the other person’s picture before
actually committing to a relationship. They might have their reasons of course, but I, for
one, feel that such a decision based largely on looks is more suitable for a casual
relationship. It is bound to sizzle off after some time. After all, how long can you keep
staring at a person? And what happens if the person doesn’t stare back at you?
Or even worse, what happens if you find the person staring at another person? Looks
may be important, but they certainly are not the most important thing and should never
be used as the deciding factor if you are thinking about a serious relationship.
Common Interests
A human being is not like a piece of glass though which you can look and see the other
side. A human being is more like a diamond, which when held against light reflects and
deflects light so that a myriad of colors are seen. We’re complex.
We have a lot of interest and the interests of one person need not match with the
interests of another. But thankfully the interests are not as numerous as human beings.
So we are bound to find a lot of people who share our interests. And if we can find
someone like that, then our search should end there. So, what are your interests? That
is something for you to find out.
Mind you, you might have to do some serious thinking before you level down you
preferences. There might be a lot of things that you enjoy doing but about which you
have given a second thought. Your interests could be something like sports or outdoor activities.
Or you could think of interests like social work or cross-words or religious interests.
Keep the ball rolling; please understand that the words I have listed here are mere suggestions.
Your tastes and interests could be very different. So let them be. And once you have
decided on what your interests are then half the story is done.
What Interests You In A Person?
This is probably the more important part of the story. Each one of us has to sit and think
about what we would like in another person. Having the same interests doesn’t
necessarily mean that you can get along with a person.
For example, if you a person who likes to talk a lot, it doesn’t mean that you could like
another person who likes to talk a lot as well. If two people try to keep talking at the
same time then obviously, there cannot be any dialogue.
So also, if you are the silent reserved type and the other person too is the silent reserved
type, the there will hardly be any dialogue at all! The word over here is “compatible.” The
interests of partners should complement each other and not clash.
Keyword Searches
So now that you have decided what is it that interests you in a person and what your
interests and tastes are, try such key word searches on a search engine like Google.
The idea over here is not to advertise yourself as a person who is in search of a life
partner. No matter how well you put it, it looses that touch of subtlety once you are in a
singles’ chat room. So don’t do it that way. You remember how we spoke about working
backwards; this is how it is done.
We will tell you how to project yourself best in a later chapter but for now let us talk
about finding Mr. Right or Ms. Right. An interesting thing to be noted here is that it is not
difficult to fall in love with a person or to make a choice. The difficult part is to make the
right choice and to fall in love with the right person.
Likes Versus Dislikes
The second thing that you could do is chalk out a list of qualities that you genuinely
dislike in a person. Yes I am not joking! Dislikes are just as important, or even more
important than likes. We all have to make compromises here and there, but if we start
away by condoning things, which we genuinely dislike, it is going to tell on the
relationship at sometime or the other.
I would like to give a word of caution over here. A lot of people make a mistake when
they are courting. They put up their best behavior, which is very good of course, but they
try to be very adjusting and accommodating which is NOT very good. A point that they
tend to over look is that they are not going to be going on a camping trip with this person
that they are trying to impress; they are going to be living the rest of their lives with the
person.So it is best not to be very “oh so very accommodating and adjusting.”
You can afford to stick to things that you are very particular about. And if you have any
thoughts that you will be able to mold the person out of his or her offending habits at a
later date, forget it.The moment you start trying to mold or cajole the person out of his or her habits,
whatever they may be, the word becomes ‘nagging’ and if at all the person does drop
the habit, he or she will love you less for it.
It really doesn’t work that way. So it’s best to have a clear idea about qualities and
habits that you genuinely dislike in a person and steer clear of the ‘lesser mortals’ who
have those habits.
Once you have a fairly clear idea about your likes and dislikes you are in a better
position to make the right choice. And considering the multitude of people out there, you
do not have to worry or be over anxious that you just might not find any one at all. He or
she is out there, and if you are doing what you are doing right, namely barking up the
right tree you will succeed.
There are some people who even believe that every thing is ordained. It has been
written down who should marry who and in the end only that which should happen will
happen. Well, I don’t know about that, but I do know that dating helps speed up the
process.
Another thing that you could do is that you could just let nature take its course. Oh
nature has its wonderful ways. There is a lot of chemistry involved in the selection of
partner so maybe the best thing we could do is lend nature a helping hand.
Friends First
Try to look at this endeavor not as a prospective husband/wife hunt but as an effort to
make a lot of friends, and I mean good friends. Friends that you can laugh aloud with,
friends who make you laugh. Not everyone can make us laugh, and when I say laugh, I
am not referring to some comedian. We are talking about friends here.
It really does pay to have a lot of friends. It makes one’s life richer. The best thing about
friends is that you can be yourself with them. And they too can be themselves with you.
And that means letting it all out. We must remember that apart from being the dutiful
husband or wife, your spouse should be your best friend as well.
That is one mistake that most couples make. They tend to look upon their friends and
their spouses as separate. While it is perfectly ok to have your own friends, your best
friend should always be your husband or wife.
It should be someone you can share your dreams and fears with, someone who
understands, someone who can give your hand a gentle squeeze when things go wrong
and someone who can brighten up your darkest day.
All this is a very far cry from sex right? That is why we did mention earlier that looks
and sex should be the last criteria in the selection of a life partner. The marriage
proposal must come as a natural sequence and it should by no means be the first thing
that comes out as soon as you warm up to a person. You cannot very well say
something like, “hey, you know what, I think we have the same tastes so let’s get
married.”
You can say that of course but it would not be in very good taste. So what do you do if
you discover that one of the friends that you made and the one who you were keeping
your fingers crossed about is already married?
Do you have a car? Then the answer is simple, just run over that person’s spouse and
remove the unwanted element, right? Wrong! It is just not done. You can still be friends
with that person and shift your attention towards another direction. Who knows, you
might even find a better person. All you have to do is shuffle your cards and deal them
out again.
I hope you have got the hang of what we meant by working backwards now? Good.
There is another catch involved in this process. There is a chance that one of the friends
that you made may have read this book too and maybe the proposal may come from the
other end. If it does, then well and good; for it saves you the ritual.
Mr. Right and Ms. Wrong
But then, what if the person who proposes to you wasn’t really what you had in mind?
Well, the choice is yours of course; you can take it or leave it. But there is a point worth
Considering over here. If we can find someone that we love that is good, but if we find
someone who loves us, isn’t that better?
But I would also like to add a word over here.Suppose someone does come and propose to you
but unfortunately, you are not in the least interested?
You have every right to turn the proposal down but please do it gracefully.
There is no need to hurt the other person’s ego. This person is obviously a friend of yours,
and surely you care deeply for them. However,if you know that you cannot marry this person,
a turned-down Proposal is better than a divorce. Try to explain your feelings in the gentlest way possible
